I don’t just read Perez Hilton. Although Perez is the first and last thing I read on the internet everyday, it’s not the only place I go for gossip. I go to a site called “What Would Tyler Durden Do?” where they write about celebrities and whatnot. While Perez puts a hilarious catch phrase and nickname next to almost every new event in the media, WWTDD just writes a funny entry about the latest, without catchy phrases. Somedays I am in the mood for just WWTDD and other days all of these sites, including my own, just irritate me. But today, while looking through my Us Weekly (specifically the TomKat wedding), I realized I hadn’t read ANY of WWTDD’s posts about TomKat. So I went into the archives to a few months previous to now, and found this
funny frigging hilarious post about TomKat.
Tom Cruise is determined to help Katie Holmes reclaim the movie star body she had before getting pregnant and giving birth to their daughter Suri almost 6 months ago. Except, replace “determined” and any supportive connotations that may have with the image of Tom calling her a fat ass and making little piggy sounds when she looks at food. TMZ says:
Tom has become “very concerned” about her appearance these days, and has become directly involved with Katie’s workout regimen as a result. According to sources, Tom is willing to do whatever it takes so his bride-to-be “looks the best that she can walking next to him down the aisle.”
That includes “joining her in her workouts” (yelling at her during her workouts) and “personally booking a babysitter” (not personally booking a babysitter). In order to look more streamlined, Katie is lifting weights 4-5 times a week, focusing on her shoulders and back. In order to look more crazy, Tom spends 4-5 days a week monitoring Katie from behind a two way mirror, focusing on tapping his fingers together in a big leather chair and saying “yes, yes my kittens they like the pain”.
So, so, so, so hilarious. And it’s like, everytime I see Katie in pictures with Tom, it always looks like she’s trying to just cope with him… but she really wants to get the hell outta there. It’s like she is being held captive by alien Tom and she doesn’t know how to get out. Or she’s brainwashed. I don’t know? What do you think??
(Doesn’t she look so sad/miserable/scared/unhappy/alien/crazy/upset/confused?)