Okay now, here’s the thing. This picture was one of my best on my old myspace. It actually attracted a guy to me that is now a ex-boyfriend. But when I see this picture, I see a whole story behind it.
This was a year ago. Or.. last August. And this picture was taken, believe it or not, on a night where I felt complete heartache and utter despair. I had been crying, off and on, all night and bawling all day. It was the day I found out that my former “boyfriend”, who had been sending me the signal (and text messages) that he wanted to rekindle a sexual relationship, was actually in a relationship. I remember the exact moment, I went to his myspace page (which he wouldn’t have had if he wasn’t always trying to snoop at mine) and it said “In a Relationship.” My heart dropped. At that time in my life, I have never cried so hard. I had gone through so much bullshit with him already, and now he was going to do this to me? It was the ultimate blow.. and it would prove to, finally, be the last straw of bullshit I was going to take from him.
He was really great at being deceiving, you know? Because he had this way about him, that he was always so goofy and drunk, and he never spoke seriously of anything; not news, people, feelings..not anything. So for him to be so underhanded and sneaky, none of my girlfriends and I could believe it. “He’s not smart enough to get away with cheating,” we would say. But he was manipulating in a way that I cannot, and do not, want to explain. At this point, I had already learned that the whole time I was with him, about 8 months, he was sleeping with another girl at the same time. Not just any girl. A girl so much lesser than myself that, after I learned of her and confronted him, I went to my doctors and got tested. (It was my bad for sleeping with him again after I found out.. I was so stupid.) Anyway, since then I had sworn him off, moved out and moved on, and tried to heal. I tried to forget about someone who I had once thought I loved. Someone who took my private words I had written to him and smeared them; allowed them to be mocked and teased by his current girlfriend and her friends. It was one slap in the face after the next.
Then eventually I found myself in a relationship with someone who cared about me. He didn’t try to hide anything, he was honest, he didn’t hide his cellphone, he offered to give me passwords to his myspace, he drove me places, and he took me on dates.. without coupons. And like that, I had forgotten all about the ex.
I mean, it took a long time. I had another really shitty relationship with a narcissistic asshole after the ex, and a lot of meaningless little relationships inbetween, but the point is, I got over him. He tried to contact me a few months after, to explain, apologize, grovel. I graciously accepted but made it clear I had no interest in being his friend. And that is the last I heard of him.
Until. His girlfriend messaged me a few times on myspace, making small talk just so she could ask what really happened between us. I thought about telling her my side of it, for a brief moment, but realized it would do no good. He isn’t worth rehashing and I’d like to just forget he happened, sadly. So that what’s I did, I said it’s better left unsaid.
But now the girl that was sleeping with that ex at the same time as I was has sent me a message, telling me she is still seeing the ex and wants to know if I am too. Part of me wants to put her on blast, because I know she’s probably lying, and tell the real girlfriend and then it will get settled. But for now, I think that I will just let it all be. Someone wise told me to let it be.